Speed dating online, HOT!

Terrell Owens has a message for Jessica Simpson: Stay away.

"Right now, Jessica Simpson is not a fan favorite -- in this locker room or in Texas Stadium," Owens said.

"With everything that has happened, obviously with the way Tony played and the comparison between her and Carrie Underwood, I think a lot of people feel she has taken his focus away," Owens said. "Other than that, she was high on my list until last week.

"Oh, I got a message for her when we make the playoffs. Just stay tuned."

"Don't Tase Me, Bro" - top 2007 quote

Fred R. Shapiro, the editor of the Yale Book of Quotations, has compiled his most memorable quotes of 2007. Here are the top 5:

The top quote for 2007 is ........... "Don't Tase Me, Bro"

"Don't Tase Me, Bro," a phrase that swept the nation after University of Florida college student Andrew Meyer used it seeking to stop campus police from throwing him out of a speech delivered by Senator John Kerry. Andrew Meyer on September 17, screamed "Don't Tase Me, Bro," as he was bodily tossed out of the Kerry event.

Second on the list was this memorable answer by Caitlin Upton (see - Parents: "teach your children well .... ) the South Carolina contestant in the Miss Teen America contest in August when she blurted:

"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and Iraq and everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us."

Upton had been asked why one-fifth of Americans are unable to locate the United States on a map.

3. "In Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country." Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's October comment at Columbia University in New York.

4. "That's some nappy-headed hos there," via Shock jock Don Imus comments about the Rutgers University women's basketball team. Imus lost his job at CBS radio in April, but returned to the airwaves in December with Citadel Broadcasting.

5. "I don't recall." -- Former U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales' repeated response to questioning at a congressional hearing about the firing of U.S. attorneys.

Wow! Philly news babe Alycia Lane is charged with punching NYC cop! Not Funny!

Alycia Lane, supposedly a KYW news babe and Emmy Award winner at at a news station in Philadelphia recently made headlines for sending photos of herself in a bikini to a married man at the NFL Network.

Well guess what happens next?

She now gets herself arrested last night after she punched a police officer in the face, New York City police authorities said.

The officer was treated at a hospital for a cut and was released.

Not funny Alycia!

Nobel Prize winner Doris Lessing says the Internet Makes us Dumb

The recent Nobel Prize winner Doris Lessing, age 88, used her acceptance speech as an opportunity to inform the world that the internet makes us dumb. Yes, that's YOU reading this!

She says, among other things: "We are in a fragmenting culture, where our certainties of even a few decades ago are questioned and where it is common for young men and women, who have had years of education, to know nothing of the world, to have read nothing, knowing only some specialty or other, for instance, computers."

Computers! Get off that computer!


Doris Lessing speech

Can Dumb Celebs be Funny Celebs???

Newspaper Lists Lohan as Dumbest Celeb in Hollywood (ranks 20 Dumbest Celebrities)

Yes, that is the question: Can Dumb Celebs be Funny Celebs??? You decide and let us know. Who is my fav dumb-dumb? Courtney Love, aging rock chick, disaster. Yes, disaster. Rock on Courtney.

New York Daily News' List of Dumbest People in Hollywood

1. Lindsay Lohan — poor movie choices ("I Know Who Killed Me"), delinquent behavior and bad taste in men.

2. Kim Kardashian — because it is sad when you leak your sex tape and nobody cares.

3. Spencer Pratt — who thinks his life on MTV's "The Hills" is reality - and believes we think so, too.

4. Jeff Kwatinetz — the man that gave the OK for Britney Spears' disastrous MTV Video Music Awards performance.

5. Shia LaBeouf — the 21-year-old "Transformers" star, for getting arrested while refusing to leave a Walgreens pharmacy.

6. Heidi Montag, reality television star

7. Jessica Simpson, singer

8 . Kiefer Sutherland, actor, recurring drunk driver

9. Tori Spelling, former teen actress/daughter of a media mogul

10. Rumer Willis, daughter of two famous people

11. Nick Hogan, son of pro wrestler

12. Courtney Love, aging rock chick, disaster

13. J.R. Rotem, music producer and possible Britney Spears baby daddy

14. Britney Spears, pop star, train wreck

15. Brad Garrett, comedian, paparazzi hater

16. Ken Paves, celebrity hairdresser, hanger-on

17. Jennifer Love Hewitt, actress

18. Brad Womack, indecisive Bachelor

19. Michael Jackson, former singer, mess

20. Cash Warren, celebrity boyfriend

Read more at musiccentral.msn.com

$1 million bill not accepted by Georgia bank, man arrested

Ga. man tries to deposit fake $1M bill
Yahoo News/AP

AIKEN, S.C. - A bank teller in Clearwater had a million reasons not to open an account for an Augusta, Ga., man Monday, authorities said. Alexander D. Smith, 31, was charged with disorderly conduct and two counts of forgery after he walked into the bank and tried to open an account by depositing a fake $1 million bill, said Aiken County Sheriff's spokesman Lt. Michael Frank.

The employee refused to open the account and called police while the man started to curse at bank workers, Frank said.

The second forgery charge came after investigators learned Smith bought several cartons of cigarettes from a nearby grocery store with a stolen check, Frank said.

The federal government has never printed a million-dollar bill, Frank said.

It's Talk Like A Pirate Day! Arrrr!

This whole Talk Like A Pirate Day madness started back in the 1990s as a joke between two - and I’m sad to admit - Oregonians. To make a lame story short, these two guys were playing racquetball and started speaking like pirates. They enjoyed themselves so much they decided to make it an annual experience, a festival of sorts. That was back in 1995 and for seven years the day was celebrated by only a handful of people. It was during the 1992 gathering that famed humor columnist Dave Berry showed up to participate. An ensuing column helped spread word of this useless, mindless jamboree. (source: NewWest)

related:

TalkLikeAPirate.com

Wikipedia

A Funee (or sad?) song about Tom, Bill and the Pat's

Parents: "teach, your children well ..... "

Caitlin Upton, the 18 year old Miss South Carolina Teen, answered a fairly simple pagent question with the following nonsensical answer:

Q: Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can’t locate the United States on a world map. Who do you think this is?

A: I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as in, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq and everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children.

Inglish help 4 students 4 the upcoming skool yeer

The Impotence of Proofreading By Taylor Mali

Web Crash 2007

L.A. Drama: UCLA student finds herself in a Paris Hilton sub-plot

UCLA student Shira Barlow unintentionally found out what a day in the life of heiress Paris Hilton was like.

After her wireless company replaced her broken cell phone she was provided her with a recycled 310-area code number that once belonged to you guessed it - Paris Hilton.

Barlow has been getting hundreds of calls and text messages intended for the celebutante.

What kind of calls did Shira receive? Birthday wishes, inquiries about parties, requests to get on guest lists at the hot nightclubs.

Most of the calls were placed between 2 and 4 a.m. on weekends.

Call Me: Blondie & the Muppetts

Microsoft Surface Parody

SarcasticGamer.com presents a twisted take on one of Microsoft's latest and greatest announcements. Truth be told, We actually WANT a Surface Computer, but since we can't afford one, we thought it might be fun to make fun of it.

America's Funniest Cities

According to the article below, the Top 3 Funniest Cities in America are:

1. Chicago
2. Los Angeles
3. New York

read this MSN article and see if you agree: Ha! Let the Comedy Debate Begin

YouTube UK Lauches! Lovely!

We hope Father's Day was a good one!

Britney Ballistic Over Billboards: Singer May Sue

The Smoking Gun | TSG

JUNE 17--Britney Spears is threatening legal action against a Florida radio station that used a bald-headed photo of the pop star on billboards that appear to call her sanity into question. In a June 14 letter to Clear Channel Communications lawyer Donna Schneider, Spears's counsel claims that the billboards promoting the MJ Morning Show were "outrageous to the extreme" and demanded their removal.

Mississippi Braves AA Manager Phillip Wellman Goes More Mental Than Lou Piniella

Is this the best managerial meltdown in baseball history???

Here is a video of Mississippi Braves (the Atlanta Braves' AA minor league team) manager Phillipp Wellman completely losing it. Completely!

One funny British Commercial

"The name of the game is ball buster!"

Motels surrender hour-rate licenses

After a year long investigation Phoenix police have found that motels that charge an hourly rate attract prostitution.

http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/0404motels0404.html

How to choose a woman

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (Written by kids)

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
- Alan, age 10

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
- Kristen, age 10


WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
- Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
- Freddie, age 6


HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
- Derrick, age 8


WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

(1) Both don't want any more kids.
- Lori, age 8


WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
- Lynnette, age 8

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
- Martin, age 10


WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-Craig, age 9


WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

(1) When they're rich.
- Pam, age 7

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- Curt, age 7

(3) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- Howard, age 8


IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?


(1) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
- Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

(1) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is........


HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

(1) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
- Ricky, age 10

Alabama Woman on Horseback Charged With DUI

SYLVANIA, Ala. (AP) - A woman who went for a horseback ride through town at midnight and allegedly used the horse to ram a police car was charged with driving under the influence and drug offenses, police said Tuesday.

"Cars were passing by having to avoid it, and almost hitting the horse," said Police Chief Brad Gregg.

He said DUI charges can apply even when the vehicle has four legs instead of wheels.

Police in the northeast Alabama town received a call around midnight Saturday about someone riding a horse on a city street, Gregg said.

Officer John Seals found Melissa Byrum York, 40, of Henagar on horseback on a nearby road and attempted to stop her. Seals asked the woman repeatedly to get off the horse, but she kept trying to kick the animal to make it run, the chief said.

"She wouldn't stop. She kept riding the horse and going on," Gregg said.

After ramming the police car with the horse and riding away, the woman tried to jump off but caught her foot in a stirrup, Gregg said. The officer took the woman into custody and discovered that she had crystal methamphetamine, a small amount of marijuana, pills and a small pipe, the chief said.

Cincinnati Mayor Bad Pitch

Cincinnati Mayor Mark Mallory throws out the WORST first pitch (at the Red's Opening Day) in recorded MLB history.




Eric Davis' reaction was just as good as that "pitch". Unfortunately, it is just not Ohio's year.

What would your kid do if he or she saw a MONSTER???

Kassie Kicks Monsters Ass

the "Vote Different" video

No matter what your politics are, this political video regarding Hillary Clinton's campaign is pretty funny political satire.


Update: from the SF Chronicle

Just who is ParkRidge47 – the mystery figure who introduced an Internet political attack ad that has stirred the press and political junkies tuned into the early presidential campaign – and what does the videomaker have against Democratic front-runner Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton?

The IT Crowd Episode 1

Boot up the Brits with this video

Goodness Gracious Me: Typical Asian Parents...

Introducing...................the Apple iRack

SNL - Michael Vick: Really!?! with Seth & Amy

via shawnhogan.com

Izzard- Techno Fear Part I

via Summer's blog